Parenting Style Test (Free Trial) - Practical Psychology (2023)

There is a lot of pressure to be the “perfect” parent: to have children who follow the rules but do it with joy. No parent will be perfect, but the styles in which parents approach expectations, limits, and nurturing can set a child up for more or less success.

This parenting style overview and quiz will help you assess where you are in terms of parenting and how you can make changes to adhere to a more "ideal" parenting style. Remember that all children are different and the best way to assess your parenting skills may be to contact members of the community or a family counselor.

What are the four parenting styles?

The four parenting styles are authoritarian, permissive, authoritarian, and neglectful. These styles are determined based on the warmth of the parents along with how much they demand of the child. All rearing styles produced productive adults; the authoritative style is more likely to set the child up for success.

Warm parenting styles vs. cold

Affectionate parents tend to hug their children, literally and figuratively. They provide support at every stage of a child's growth and development, offering positivity and encouragement along the way. Children, a loving parent believes, are imperfect and always deserving of love and kindness. It may mean that a child makes mistakes here and there, but that's okay because parents have faith that the child will learn lessons along the way.

A cold parent doesn't offer the same support. Compliments don't come easily, especially if the child is acting out or going overboard. Cooler parents see a clear boundary between parent and child, or adult and child, and they communicate those boundaries very firmly. Since the guidelines are set by cool parents, they are not biased.

In general, studies show that warmer parenting styles producehappier and more productive children.A child who establishes a positive and trusting relationship with his parents is also more likely to develop asecure attachment stylethat creates healthy and happy relationships later in life.

Demanding parenting styles vs. Undemanding

How much does a father demand of his son? A demanding parent asks for a lot. To-do charts, screen limits, and morning routines are all typical of a demanding parent's style. They communicate these demands to their children and comply with them.

An undemanding parent does not demand as much from the child. They may ignore certain responsibilities because "they're just kids." An undemanding parent may make a child's bed for him, tidy up his toys, or help with his homework to the extent that the parent can do it himself. Or, they may simply fail to make these demands entirely, leaving the child to fend for himself.

A demanding parent can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on the heat behind him. Experts say that the most effective parenting style is demanding but warm. Lazy parents may neglect their children or fail to set limits and expectations that form a disciplined, respectful, and authoritative adult.

The four parenting styles

• authoritarian parentsthey are a mix of hot and demanding.
• authoritarian parentsthey are a mix of cold and demanding.
• permissive parentsthey are a mix of hot and undemanding.
• neglectful parentsthey are a mix of cold and undemanding.

While different parenting styles work for different children, experts generally suggest that parents aim to be authoritative parents: warm and demanding.

Can you change your parenting style?

Yeah! If you respond to the results of this test (or get feedback from friends and family) and want to be a more authoritative parent, you're on the right track. Listening to others is crucial to being an authoritative parent. Authoritarian parents listen to their children and can be flexible with their discipline or encouragement. A neglectful, permissive, or authoritarian parent may not become the “perfect” authoritarian parent overnight, but remember that no parent is perfect. The effort to become an authoritative parent, along with the help of others, can make a significant difference in your life and the life of your child.

Ways to become a more authoritative parent

Understand your parenting style.

Permissive parents need to make different changes than negligent or authoritarian parents. Take some time to reflect on how your parents are to your children. Are you cooler than other parents you know? Do you tend to break the rules when you could be more disciplined? To better assess your parenting styles, don't be afraid to contact your child's teacher, family friends, or a professional.

Reinforce authoritarian beliefs about children.

To set appropriate limits and discipline a child like an authoritative parent, you will need to think like an authoritative parent. Authoritarian parents often hold the following beliefs:

• Children, like adults, want to be loved, nurtured, and feel like they belong.
• Nobody is perfect: adults or children!
• Mistakes are a learning opportunity.
• The mind is always growing, never fixed.
• Children won't know how to do things unless someone (usually you!) shows them.

If you don't agree with any of them, it makes sense not to be so overbearing! Talk to your parents or friends about how you can develop these beliefs. Remember that you don't have to have the same beliefs about children that your parents did.

Be aware of your actions.

Before you discipline a child, take a step back. Take a deep breath and be aware of your thoughts. Are you setting and enforcing limits in a warm but demanding way? Could you hug your son more? Take time if you need to think about appropriate punishments for your child, and talk to your child about his reasoning only when you are in a calm frame of mind.

Ask your partner, friends, or a family counselor to hold you accountable.

It takes a town to raise a child. Parents who are dealing with stress, divorce, or the demands of their jobs may have a harder time setting clear limits and nurturing a child. There's no shame in asking a peer, friend, or professional to hold you accountable for setting expectations for your child.

Questions

[Set one determines heat x cold]

1. Above all, children need love and affection.
   1. Totally agree – 5
   2. agree – 4
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 2
   5. Strongly disagree – 1
2. That my son loves me is more important than following the rules I have established.
   1. Totally agree – 5
   2. agree – 4
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 2
   5. Strongly disagree – 1
3. Children should be free to express themselves as they are.
   1. Totally agree – 5
   2. agree – 4
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 2
   5. Strongly disagree – 1
4. Children deserve the right to privacy. There are many topics that do not need to be discussed between parents and children.
   1. Totally agree - 1
   2. agree -2
   3. Neither agree nor disagree -3
   4. disagree -4
   5. Strongly disagree – 5
5. Praise is just as important, if not more important, than punishment.
   1. Totally agree – 5
   2. agree – 4
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 2
   5. Strongly disagree – 1
6. Getting into fights or being teased will make your child stronger in the end.
   1. Totally agree - 1
   2. agree -2
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 4
   5. Strongly disagree – 5
7. The only thing worse than a crying child is his arguments when you try to reason with him.
   1. Totally agree - 1
   2. agree -2
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 4
   5. Strongly disagree – 5
8. Hugs, kisses and cuddles are important to create a bond between a child and their parents.
   1. Totally agree – 5
   2. agree – 4
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 2
   5. Strongly disagree – 1
9. Parents need to establish that they are the authority figure in their home and that authority figures are to be obeyed.
   1. Totally agree - 1
   2. agree -2
   3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
   4. disagree – 4
   5. Strongly disagree – 5
10. It is important to me as a parent to support my son at all of their sporting events/recitals/graduations and to have dinner with them every night.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1

[Results: Cold 10-30 Hot 31-50]

[Set two determines Demanding vs. Undemanding]

11. I believe that children must obey a strict set of rules.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1
12. It is important that children contribute to the home where they live.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1
13. Children should not respond (or disagree) with their parents.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1
14. Discipline is essential for a child's development.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1
15. Kids are going to be kids and they're going to make a lot of mistakes!
    1. Totally agree - 1
    2. agree – 2
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 4
    5. Strongly disagree – 5
16. Children should have the freedom to watch the shows and movies they want, when they want.
    1. Totally agree - 1
    2. agree -2
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 4
    5. Strongly disagree – 5
17. Schools don't discipline kids as much as they should.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1
18. There is no reasoning with children. If they have a tantrum, you just have to let it go.
    1. Totally agree - 1
    2. agree – 2
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 4
    5. Strongly disagree – 5
19. A child who is afraid of the dark can curl up in bed for as long as he wants.
    1. Totally agree - 1
    2. agree – 2
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 4
    5. Strongly disagree – 5
20. Once a routine is established, the child must obey it or be punished.
    1. Totally agree – 5
    2. agree – 4
    3. Neither agree nor disagree – 3
    4. disagree – 2
    5. Strongly disagree – 1

[Results: Little demanding 10-30 Demanding 31-50]

Results

Authoritarian

[Warm + Demanding]

Authoritarian parents find themselves at the crossroads between demanding and warm. They have firm limits for their children, but they approach those limits with love and kindness. Parents in this style support their children. They know that children make mistakes, but are happy to guide them through their growth and development.

This is a great place to be. Parents who achieve this style are more likely to produce children who excel in school and have high self-esteem. But no parent is perfect or acts authoritative all the time. Be sure to give yourself grace when you make mistakes, too.

Authoritarian

[Cold + Demanding]

A father with an authoritarian style is cold and demanding. They have high expectations of their children, including the expectation that they obey authority with little questioning. There is no "worst" parenting style, but researchers believe authoritarian parenting may cause more harm than other styles. Without the opportunity to build a loving and trusting relationship, a child may grow up with weaker social skills or self-esteem. There is also evidence to suggest that authoritarian styles make a child's behaviorworse.If you are concerned about a child's behavior, you may benefit from approaching him with warmth and showing support for his growth and development.

permissive

[Warm + Undemanding]

Permissive parents are warm and undemanding. They support their children almost blindly, allowing them to push the boundaries and “get away with” bad behavior more often. Parents who use this style are more likely to treat their child as a "friend" rather than a child who needs discipline. Although a child may seem happy because he does what he wants, permissive parenting has its drawbacks. The child can develop an ego, since no one has "checked" him in his development. They may continue on a path of poor or impulsive behavior, without expecting punishment. Healthy limits and rules can be a way for a child to grow into a disciplined but happy adult.

Negligent

[Cold + Undemanding]

A neglectful parent is cold and undemanding. They do not particularly support the child, but they do not discipline him either. Children are often left to their own devices. Without adult guidance, a child is at risk of missing important developmental moments. Abandoned children are not only at risk for bad behavior later in life, but also for serious mental health and substance abuse problems. If you need help raising your child, reach out to family, friends, or community leaders for resources.